You're an aging kayaker if...
1. You've tried to find water-proof hearing aids in case you roll accidently.
2. Your adult diaper has a Coast Guard sticker allowing it to be used as a PFD.
3. Your wooden GP paddle comes apart and converts into crutches.
4. Your beard is a mix of white hair and green seaweed.
5. You know which seaweed relieves the discomfort caused by gas or heartburn.
6. You use wrinkle-abatement sun screen lotions.
7. You can list a few pension-stretching paddling locations.
8. You think 303 Protectant helps in the treatment of arthritis.
9. You take Viagra to improve your forward stroke.
10. You own a pair of sponsons for easy entry and exiting when kayaking.
11. You own more Ace bandage tape than you do duct tape.
12. You use arch support insoles in your paddling booties.
13. Your dry-suit has built in support-hose.
14. Your pacemaker has a GPS display option.
15. You've bought a wooden coffin which works well as a touring kayak.
16. You've taken a course in hip replacements using an all-in-one tool.
17. You attach your Camelbac bag to your catheter tube.
18. Your maps all come with big-size print.
19. You freeze-dry the meals you get from the 50+ Club.
20. The foam in your Thermo-Rest has more memory than you do!
(With thanks to the folks at PaddleWise who dreamt many of these up!)
I hope she wasn't out kayaking when it happened...