The first paddle of the year on my favourite lake. What could be better than that? Almost nothing. The crispy cold water, the sparkling sun, the clear blue sky. It was a day of everything right. I was home again on the water.
But it wasn't to be a day of joy. There seems always to be a ying with a yang.
As I found light and happiness another found darkness. The son of close friends, a boy the same age as my son, ended his life. Why would he do such a thing? You never really know what moves in the heart of a person so distressed as to wish the end. There was no warning, no obvious reason, nothing but horror. So on coming home euphoric I am plunged into a world of grief and unanswerable questions. Why is life like this? What does it mean? How do we move on from here?
For me, at least, it is a time to try to heal the open wounds in my life. To look for those hurts and insults I have somehow caused in the lives of my friends and loved ones. To send out healing messages and for me to hope that my words cast some light that shines into the lives of those who I've given pain. Perhaps that will let them paddle in calmer seas and find the joy I felt during my first paddle of the year on home waters. What else can I possibly do?
4 comments:
So, our family just had a major crises with our youngest daughter. he emotional pain, fear and worry were near overwhelming. Yesterday the air warmed some and a friend and I headed onto Lake Michigan. We paddled, we drifted, we floated on the swells and watched weather fronts roll in and out, and we played in the small surf until I finally dumped. And all the time I was "in the boat" in the sense that I needed to be mentally present to take of myself out on the water. That left, at least for an hour or so, not room for my worry and sadness, and the respit had a healing effect.
Today's another day and the saddness is back. I need to go onto the water again.
Dick
I haven't had the change to get out paddling since this news, but like you I know being on the water will help me as it did you. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we paddlers are lucky to have such a wonderful release.
Just wanted to pop in a voice some support. Even a wordy guy like me finds sometimes words don't suffice. . .
For my part, I've come to feel life just is, and as long as were breathing we just keep moving often because we just don't know what else to do. Thankfully time passes and we resurface.
Thanks Derrick! Certainly life 'is' and 'moving along' is a gift we sometimes don't appreciate enough. I have been doing a lot of 'moving along' recently and am looking forward to moving my kayak along in some more positive directions in the near future.
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